Is there a better subject for me to begin my phre.posterous ranting than the mascots of the 2012 London Olympics? Possibly, but I came across the above photo this morning and could not restrain myself. For my many blind readers, I will undertake to describe the mascots, Wenlock and Mandeville, pictured above. Their legs and torsos have the look of extracted human teeth, enormous molars, that have been chromed. They stand on their roots and their heads--which appear to be cellphones whose keypads have been cut off, after which the remaining half, with the LCD, was somehow glued or soldered onto the crown--stare at you with a single pupil centered on their screens, cyclops-like, and they wave at you with what can only be likened to lobster claws. The immediate impression is that of two extra-terrestrials recently disembarked from their spacecraft.

What could the creators of these creatures have been thinking? Or drinking? Lockjaw and Mandible are not mascots; they are invaders. We're supposed to give these, these monsters to our children, to provoke years of nightmares and bedwetting? Not this Earthling.

[Note: This blog is linked to http://ignoregon.com, which aggregates blogs in Oregon, whose governor once invited outsiders to visit his beautiful state, but reminded them to go home.]